Hiii(gh) Power — Dispatch from a Road Trip — Kung Fu Kenny

I almost got fired because of Kendrick Lamar.
Alright guys I’m back and this time I’m talking bout the man, the myth, the Gawd – King Kendrick. This is a two parter though, and part one is the build up. I know the build up to a story can sometimes be really lame, but this build up is different though. It’s that “getting good head in the morning and spending eight hours at work KNOWING you bout to finish what you started the minute you walk thru the door” type build up.

Enjoy the ride.
On April 28th the tickets for the DAMN. tour went on sale

In anticipation I made sure I had all the presale codes, I coordinated with friends who also wanted to go, I did everything I had to in order to make sure that I was ready to hit BUY TICKETS NOW option when it was time.

The time came and I was in my office, at my desk. Open on my computer screen were the following websites:
1. Ticketmaster website
2. Facebook to coordinate with the homies — plus I had been giving the play by play on my feed for folks playing along at home
3. An additional separate browser open with Ticketmaster — just in case one froze, I had back ups.

As the minutes ticked by, I sat with my finger poised over the mouse button. The countdown clock Ticketmaster provided was slowly clicking the seconds away until finally — zero hour hit! Go time.

I am not even playing when I say, within 30 seconds of going on sale, the site was telling me they were sold out. I kept clicking and clicking, but each time I tried I was met with “the tickets you requested are unavailable”. With quelled anger I messaged my brother, and my girl Tay, both of whom were manning the ticket sites on their end. From them both I received the same information:


I kept clicking for seconds. Minutes. What felt like hours. Until miraculously — two tickets became available. With shaking hands and sweating brow, I typed the information in, and clicked the big red button. Five minutes later, they were mine.

I yelped silently in triumph and boastfully bragged on FB to my DOZENS (ha) of followers. Success!
A week later

I am riding cloud nine with no troubles in the world. The CEO of our company had returned from his recent business trip to China earlier that morning, and he came and tapped me on the shoulder.

“Come with me to the conference room real quick.”

Greg always called impromptu meetings and brainstorming sessions so I thought nothing of it, and followed behind him. I sat down at the long, cherry-stained table with a huge smile on my face — until he slid a piece of paper towards me. On that paper was a single image. A screenshot of my FB posts from the day I bought the Kendrick Lamar tickets.

“You know I should fire you for going against company policy right? You aren’t supposed to be on Facebook at work.”

Even in moments of true panic, most people would quell the smart remarks.
They would minimize the sarcasm. They would shut the fuck up.
But not I. I don’t work that way.

“My job is social media… how am I not supposed to be on Facebook?”

“Liv, you know what I mean. On your personal one. It’s against company policy.”

“What you should do is fire Ashley for buying tickets to Pitbull last week. That is the type of shit that should be against company policy.”

*waits for boss’ brain to explode*
*watches him slightly smile*
*smile turns into a laugh, and then immediately a frown*

“She bought tickets to PITBULL? You’re right, I should fire her. Just… don’t do it again.”
The following is a dispatch written in real time on August 4th, 2017

Warning: I was high when I wrote this….

Dispatch from a road trip: one blunt of Blue Dream in. We’ve only been driving about twenty minutes but I have come to a very important conclusion. If you are riding passenger during a road trip, bring a bag of popcorn with you and stare out the window while some epic ass music plays. As you sit, munching aimlessly on this air puffed treat, you will realize that staring out that window is like watching the B-roll of someone else – as if you accidentally clicked into the channel of someone else’s mind. It’s like a road trip in a road trip.

Verdict – I love popcorn, and this Blue Dream is a particularly lovely batch. Lol. In case you hadn’t picked up on that.

Dispatch from a Road Trip: second blunt in, only this time of Super Lemon Haze. I have learned that while popcorn gives the drive an almost out-of-body road watching experience, it does NOT benefit the ever looming cotton mouth that is a common side effect of the Devil’s Lettuce. ( I love that name for it, it brings me joy).

Actual Image of the Devils Lettuce

Actual Image of the Devils Lettuce

It started raining out of nowhere. The haze of lingering wildfires is too strong to have been washed away by the intermittent drizzle, and it has left the air feeling grainy. As though I could pinch the breeze between my finger tips and have dust fall like droplets from a raincloud. On top of that, the wind is strong enough to he constantly pushing us further to the right, when we ALL know I lean pretty far left. (drum riff)

Verdict – cotton mouth is a bitch, the weather is wonky, and Super Lemon Haze is one sexy beast.

Dispatch from a road trip: third blunt in, only this time I’ve combined the two strains to create the all mighty Blue Lemon Haze. We’re hitting Berkeley which means we’re soooooo close, but we have also hit bumper to bumper traffic, which means we are soooooooo far. Even with the traffic we are making good time though so I remain patient.

The air feels noticeably cleaner here. I can no longer feel the finite grit of soot and Ash against my cheek as the breeze whips through my window. I can smell the ocean which is 94% of the reason I love road trips to the Bay. That first inhale of salty tinged sea spray wafting off the waves while I blindly roll this fourth blunt, staring wistfully out the window… It changes my psyche. I feel like refreshed. I feel restored. I feel… like I just broke the fourth blunt wrap. Well that changes the psyche too, but in a whole different way. Fucking shit!

Okay fine. Maybe the universe is telling me I don’t need to smoke anymore? That Kendrick is a show best served sober? Perhaps this is a sign….

The Universe Speaks

The Universe Speaks

We just passed the ‘High Street’ exit. Now THAT is what I call a sign. Pulling over at the next gas station.

Fuck I am so stoked for this show.
Part two drops 08/15

Olivia Monahan

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IG — @thelivstyler



Olivia Monahan

August 10th, 2017

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